We all know that sex is an important part of a healthy relationship. We also hope people know that sex should be enjoyable and fun, as well. However, as Clinical Sexologists we hear many beliefs about sex that are not based on facts. These myths can create lots of problems in relationships and negatively impact peoples’ sex life. So, we've put together a list of the nine most common sex myths we've heard over the years, with a slightly more enlightened view to counter them.
1. Great sex comes naturally.
This is definitely a myth! Great sex doesn’t just magically happen. Great sex happens when partners communicate with each other and share their sexual interests and desires. Establish a dialogue. Talk openly about the things that you like sexually, and accentuate the positive stuff you currently do between the sheets, but downplay the negative. If you need something to help you with this, why not try playing a fun and sexy game together! For example, try a game like the Entice! Gameor the Pillow Talkgame. Games like these help lighten the overall mood and puts both partners at ease because you are hopefully having fun. Games create a fun way of getting to know each other’s sexual desires and interests.
2. Women don’t like sex as much as men.
This myth has been around for a long time, unfortunately. The fact is women do think about sex and are just as interested as men. We are all sexual beings. Women tend to respond sexually to more romantic and erotic cues. Just look at how many women got interested and turned on by the sex scenes in the Fifty Shades of Grey series. If BDSM play turns you on, check out CalExotic’sScandal Collection. This beautiful collection offers lots of sexy toys and products that will definitely help you explore new areas in your sex life!
3. As you get older, sex is no longer important.
What?! As people who are getting older, we can tell you this is definitely not true! As long as you are physically healthy, you can have sex at any age. Yes, our bodies change due to the aging process, and there can be an increase of health conditions making sexual intercourse more difficult. However, sex and sexual intimacy comes in many forms. So, it’s about broadening your view of sex and exploring different ways of having sexual pleasure. Many couples are still having sex into their later years. Thank goodness!
4. Sex toys are used by women for masturbation only.
Over the years, as the sexual revolution took hold, women became empowered and chose to indulge their desires with or without a partner and stop being ashamed of their own sexuality. The sale and use of vibrators and other toys skyrocketed, and these toys became associated primarily with masturbation, but that is not their only function. Now, you don't really need to be a sexologist to figure that out. A little basic geometry is all you need. When you compare the range of angles a woman can reach using her own arm to the range of motion by a partner who is correctly positioned, it's clear that a partner can do a lot more with those toys to help a woman receive the full benefit of whatever implements she may have in the toy bag. In fact, many toys are far more effective and fun when they are wielded by a partner. Many toys on the market today are specifically designed to be used by a partner and are practically useless for masturbation. For instance, check out theEmbrace Lover’s Ring which is designed to provide pleasure for both partners. So, wipe away that old connotation of toys. Some toys are most definitely more fun when played with by two.
5. Sex toys will replace me as a partner.
Some partners are concerned that toys may deliver sensations and experiences that just cannot be matched by human interaction, and they fear that the toys will replace them. However, a toy cannot replace the sexual dynamic that two people can achieve together. The largest and most important sexual organ in the human body is the brain, and no matter the horsepower of the toy involved, they have yet to market anything with the imagination and creativity of the human mind. By joining your partner in the enjoyment of toys, you will be an inextricable part of their sexual lives and your role will be secure as long as you share your hearts and your imaginations together.
6. Using a vibrator can cause the clitoris to become desensitized and a woman who uses one a lot won’t be able to achieve orgasm through sexual intercourse.
This is simply not true. It’s another myth out there just like the one that says frequent masturbation will make you go blind. Thank goodness we don’t hear about that one much anymore! Now, it is possible to experience some mild discomfort or even numbness of your clitoris right after using a vibrator (depending on the intensity of vibrations and length of time the vibrator is used) but this is very temporary. The use of vibrators cannot cause permanent desensitization of your clitoris or stop you from achieving orgasms from sexual intercourse. It’s possible to become accustomed to a certain technique, vibration, and intensity in order to achieve an orgasm which can make other ways seem more difficult. Or eventually, that one way can stop working. This doesn’t mean there is something wrong either. It just means you need to explore other ways to achieve an orgasm (manual stimulation, oral sex, sexual intercourse, etc.). Also remember, not all women can achieve an orgasm through sexual intercourse alone. So have fun and don’t be afraid to use your vibrators!
7. If you fantasize about something, you will definitely want to make it happen in real life.
Research shows people fantasize about all kinds of things they would never do in real life. For example, some people fantasize about being forced to have sex or having a homosexual encounter, but would never actually want these scenarios to actually take place, even if the situations presented themselves. Sexual fantasies allow people to mentally experiment with out-of-character sexual behaviors without any guilt or risk of harm. Some couples may feel comfortable exploring certain aspects or part of a fantasy. For example, if a couple fantasizes about some of the sex scenes in Fifty Shades of Grey, they may not want to run out and build a red room of pain in their house. However, they can certainly use toys and kits such asDr. Laura Berman Shades of Purple Playroom Kit to help them bring some of that fantasy to life.
8. Sexual fantasies are bad and unhealthy.
Sexual fantasies are completely safe and normal and a healthy part of your sexuality and erotic focus. Erotic focus means focusing on your bodily sensations and sexually arousing thoughts during sex. The most common reason for healthy people to have difficulty getting aroused during sex is the loss of their erotic focus. So, if you are thinking about your to-do list while having sex, you probably won’t be aroused. Sexual fantasies can heighten your sexual arousal and overall sexual pleasure. However, it is important to first establish safety, rules and boundaries with your partner before sharing your sexual fantasies with each other. It’s also important to know what’s okay and not okay to share.
9. The G-Spot exists in all women and all women find it pleasurable.
The G-Spot is described as being a pleasure-producing area located approximately one to two inches on the top side of the vagina. It was named after a German gynecologist, Ernst Gräfenberg. Dr. Gräfenberg discovered this area in 1944 and referred to it as an erogenous zone. It became known as an actual spot (the G-Spot) in 1981, when Dr Addiego and his colleagues published an article in the Journal of Sex Research called Female Ejaculation: A Case Study.
Since then, it continues to be a huge debate in the field of sexology and sexual medicine. There are many experts that believe the G-spot is the female prostate and, when stimulated to orgasm, may lead to a discharge of fluid known as female ejaculation. Some experts believe it is a thinning area of the vaginal wall and that you are actually rubbing the wall of the urethra. Other experts believe the G-Spot is a myth and that it simply does not exist.
However, it’s important to remember, there’s no real evidence currently that the G-Spot exists in all women. Thus, many of us in the sexology field refer to it as an erogenous zone that some women find arousing when stimulated rather than an actual spot that exists in all women. So, when you think of it as an erogenous zone, some women will love it and find it extremely pleasurable, some will think it’s just okay and some will not like that zone stimulated at all. In fact, some women actually report feeling like they have to urinate instead of experiencing pleasure.
If you want to try to locate your G-Spot, lie on your back and relax. Spread your legs and bend your knees, so your vagina is open and accessible. With your palm facing up, insert two fingers into your vagina. You want to make a “beckoning” movement and press your fingertips against the center of the upper vaginal wall. Continue to rub that area and if you have the right zone, you will immediately experience a desire to pee. This sensation should pass and soon, if this is a pleasurable erogenous zone for you, you will start to experience pleasure. You can also try using a sex toy like the Embrace “G” wand. It is perfectly curved for G-spot stimulation.
However, every women is different, thus it’s important to remember there is absolutely nothing wrong with you if you can’t find your G-Spot or experience pleasure from it. Focus, instead on the erogenous zones that do provide you pleasure and have fun!
Don’t let these myths become an obstacle in your sex life. Remember that sex can and should be fun!